Depression and Psalm 90

Any of those who live around me can tell you that for the past few weeks I have been fighting a difficult battle with depression.  I call it battle because I have been fighting against a dark heaviness that seems to overwhelm me without warning and works tirelessly to crush my will to take joy in much of anything.  After much prayer and pleading with the Lord, self psycho-analyzing (which I’m pretty practiced at, although I can’t claim to be overly accurate in my self diagnosis!) and talking through things with David I’ve pinpointed some areas of increasing stress that have served to plunge me into this dark pool that I don’t even want to swim in.   Some of these areas include teammate relationships, a prolonged period of transition for our team community and upcoming transition for our family, and a change in roles for David and me as we transition into a different area of ministry.   My battle has felt like a pleading with God for both the strength and desire to swim to the edge and get out, away from the downward spiraling whirlpool that’s tugging at me from the center of this lake.  I’ve felt like I’ve made it to the edge numerous times, only to be sucked back in without warning into the swimming and fighting against the current.  I can not ignore the spiritual element at work here.  All of this has the trademark of the enemy upon it.  It feels so similar to battling heavy temptation in any area. 

I don’t claim to understand or be any type of expert on depression.  From what I understand, from my limited reading and listening to others, there are many types and causes of depression.  Thus, there are many different forms of and ways to treat depression.  The only thing I can write about here is my own recent experience of depression with which I’ve found considerable relief from through the truths God led me to in Psalm 90.

Here are some of the verses that He used to speak truth to my heavy soul. 

vs 1-2 Lord, Thou hast been our dwelling place in all generations…even from everlasting to everlasting, Thou art God.

vs 4 For a thousand years in Thy sight are like yesterday when it passes by, Or as a watch in the night.

vs 9-10 For all our days have declined in Thy fury; We have finished our years like a sigh.  As for the days of our life, they contain seventy years, Or if due to strength, eighty years, Yet their pride is but labor and sorrow; For soon it is gone and we fly away.

vs 12 So teach us to number our days, That we may present to Thee a heart of wisdom.

vs 13 Do return O Lord; how long will it be?

vs 14 O satisfy us in the morning with Thy loving-kindness, That we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.

vs 15 Make us glad according to the days Thou hast afflicted us, And the years we have seen evil.

vs 16 Let Thy work appear to Thy servants

vs And do confirm for us the work of our hands; Yes, confirm the work of our hands.

It would take me more words than I am wiling to write at this moment to explain the truths and comfort I have found in each of these verses.  But, what surprises me most is that the verse that hit me the hardest with its truth has been a verse of much comfort.  Verse 15 says “Make us glad according to the days Thou hast afflicted us, And the years we have seen evil.”  The struggle, the stress, the tasting of God’s fury and the hurtful and bad things He ordains to happen in , around, and to us have a blessed reward at the end of them.  For each day that He afflicts us and for every year that we see or experience the effects of evil - he has gladness awaiting us.  A gladness within the perfection of eternal life that He promises is the most fulfilling, ecstatic and overwhelming gladness of all-in His presence- that will correlate for every day and year that we have been afflicted or seen evil.  Since we have a promise of eternity with Him, without time being counted…I’m guessing the days of gladness will far surpass the days of evil we’ve experienced on earth. 

And so, this act by God of justice  (counting the days of evil and returning them with equal days of gladness)-and mercy (this promised exchange being out of His love that is deeper, wider, longer, and stronger than we can comprehend -Eph.3:18-19- that can SATISFY us -Psalm 90:14- and even make us glad in the present days of sorrow as we anticipate future days full of gladness without sorrow)  is something that fills me with lasting hope.  It is my present cure to apathy and hopelessness.  Remembering who God is and how long He has been God, having an accurate view of the shortness of my life, the goal of my life being a heart of wisdom to present to the Lord (this being wrought by my seeking of Him and His power and wisdom in re-creating it), a longing for Him to satisfy me with His loving-kindness, and a hope that He will return to me gladness for every day of sorrow and evil, along with confirmation that I am doing what He has asked of me - with these things in my heart and mind I’m resting on the steady ground of contentment out of the dark pool, able to gaze up at the sky and say in hope rather than despair ”Do return O Lord; How long will it be?”

Have any of you struggled with depression brought on by stress?  How have you handled it?  Thanks for your feedback.