Feeling Down?

Are you feeling down or looking for a little bit of perspective?  Follow this link to a message I listened to a couple of days back.   I’m still smiling deep in my heart from the echoing truth of these words!  You can read the message, listen to it, watch the video, or download it as a podcast.  Give yourself 30 minutes and I hope you are smiling with a deep abiding joy  a few days later just like I am!

A Few Little Things

My friend, Nicole, wrote a post about little things that bring her joy.  I responded and then thought I’d make my own post about some little things that mean a lot to me.  Here they are:

1. Laughing until I cry

2. The often hilarious ways my children (and others) mix up words

3. A breeze wafting through the leaves of a tree

4. The sound of gurgling water over rocks

5. Baby animals (OK, I admit it….Hannah probably got this from me!)

6. Holding and feeling a newborn human baby

7. Air conditioning in our bedroom and snuggling up with Dave on a really hot night

8. Spirit-driven connections with friends

9. Feeling a renewed sense of what God has done for me and how much He loves me.

All of these things speak of God’s presence and goodness. What are some little things that bring you joy?

Oh Well!

The first well in Lassa Tchou that David and friends Latte and Matthew began is finished!!  Water is coming from the pump well and the villagers in Lassa Tchou, along with all of the rest of us, are rejoicing for this clean water that came with lots of physical effort but without much money!  Click here to read my hubby’s blog with all of the details.

Depression and Psalm 90

Any of those who live around me can tell you that for the past few weeks I have been fighting a difficult battle with depression.  I call it battle because I have been fighting against a dark heaviness that seems to overwhelm me without warning and works tirelessly to crush my will to take joy in much of anything.  After much prayer and pleading with the Lord, self psycho-analyzing (which I’m pretty practiced at, although I can’t claim to be overly accurate in my self diagnosis!) and talking through things with David I’ve pinpointed some areas of increasing stress that have served to plunge me into this dark pool that I don’t even want to swim in.   Some of these areas include teammate relationships, a prolonged period of transition for our team community and upcoming transition for our family, and a change in roles for David and me as we transition into a different area of ministry.   My battle has felt like a pleading with God for both the strength and desire to swim to the edge and get out, away from the downward spiraling whirlpool that’s tugging at me from the center of this lake.  I’ve felt like I’ve made it to the edge numerous times, only to be sucked back in without warning into the swimming and fighting against the current.  I can not ignore the spiritual element at work here.  All of this has the trademark of the enemy upon it.  It feels so similar to battling heavy temptation in any area. 

I don’t claim to understand or be any type of expert on depression.  From what I understand, from my limited reading and listening to others, there are many types and causes of depression.  Thus, there are many different forms of and ways to treat depression.  The only thing I can write about here is my own recent experience of depression with which I’ve found considerable relief from through the truths God led me to in Psalm 90.

Here are some of the verses that He used to speak truth to my heavy soul. 

vs 1-2 Lord, Thou hast been our dwelling place in all generations…even from everlasting to everlasting, Thou art God.

vs 4 For a thousand years in Thy sight are like yesterday when it passes by, Or as a watch in the night.

vs 9-10 For all our days have declined in Thy fury; We have finished our years like a sigh.  As for the days of our life, they contain seventy years, Or if due to strength, eighty years, Yet their pride is but labor and sorrow; For soon it is gone and we fly away.

vs 12 So teach us to number our days, That we may present to Thee a heart of wisdom.

vs 13 Do return O Lord; how long will it be?

vs 14 O satisfy us in the morning with Thy loving-kindness, That we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.

vs 15 Make us glad according to the days Thou hast afflicted us, And the years we have seen evil.

vs 16 Let Thy work appear to Thy servants

vs And do confirm for us the work of our hands; Yes, confirm the work of our hands.

It would take me more words than I am wiling to write at this moment to explain the truths and comfort I have found in each of these verses.  But, what surprises me most is that the verse that hit me the hardest with its truth has been a verse of much comfort.  Verse 15 says “Make us glad according to the days Thou hast afflicted us, And the years we have seen evil.”  The struggle, the stress, the tasting of God’s fury and the hurtful and bad things He ordains to happen in , around, and to us have a blessed reward at the end of them.  For each day that He afflicts us and for every year that we see or experience the effects of evil - he has gladness awaiting us.  A gladness within the perfection of eternal life that He promises is the most fulfilling, ecstatic and overwhelming gladness of all-in His presence- that will correlate for every day and year that we have been afflicted or seen evil.  Since we have a promise of eternity with Him, without time being counted…I’m guessing the days of gladness will far surpass the days of evil we’ve experienced on earth. 

And so, this act by God of justice  (counting the days of evil and returning them with equal days of gladness)-and mercy (this promised exchange being out of His love that is deeper, wider, longer, and stronger than we can comprehend -Eph.3:18-19- that can SATISFY us -Psalm 90:14- and even make us glad in the present days of sorrow as we anticipate future days full of gladness without sorrow)  is something that fills me with lasting hope.  It is my present cure to apathy and hopelessness.  Remembering who God is and how long He has been God, having an accurate view of the shortness of my life, the goal of my life being a heart of wisdom to present to the Lord (this being wrought by my seeking of Him and His power and wisdom in re-creating it), a longing for Him to satisfy me with His loving-kindness, and a hope that He will return to me gladness for every day of sorrow and evil, along with confirmation that I am doing what He has asked of me - with these things in my heart and mind I’m resting on the steady ground of contentment out of the dark pool, able to gaze up at the sky and say in hope rather than despair ”Do return O Lord; How long will it be?”

Have any of you struggled with depression brought on by stress?  How have you handled it?  Thanks for your feedback.

Happy Birthday Hannah Ruth!

It’s taken me a few days, but I’m finally posting pictures from Hannah’s 9th birthday party!  She had a “Candy” Birthday party theme this year. We had a jelly belly taste guessing game, played tape the candy on Hannah’s mouth, and had a water balloon toss.  Of course, everyone went home with a big bag full of candy for party favors. 

Hannah is my only girl and I’ve always said she’s enough girl for our whole family!  I love her and treasure her and delight in the ways she is growing, especially as her spirit is being drawn deeper into God.  Some of our conversations over the past few months have brought David and I both to tears as she expresses her love for God and desire to follow Him.  Hannah loves playing with her little pets, figurines, and relaxing and having time to herself.  She loves any type of animal and one of her favorite things about Togo is that there are baby animals everywhere!  God, we praise you for Hannah Ruth!

Well Drilling

As many of you may have heard, we are beginning a partnership with a well drilling organization called Water For All.  They work in partnering with nationals in third world countries to teach them how to create drilling rigs with  a type of rope and pulley system (and other technical methods which I don’t understand as of yet) with the goal of water clubs being developed and people helping other families and villages around them to drill their own pump wells to make clean drinking water available.  This is a huge deal for the Kabiye people here in Togo as many of the villages we work with have no wells or maybe only a handful of wells for the entire village that are operational in the dry season (more than half of our calendar year) 

An intern with the Water For All project, Matthew Waller, arrived last week and will be with our team for two months helping us drill a test well (or possibly multiple wells, depending on how well things go) and teaching us how to make the rig and do the drilling so that we can continue to teach others this inexpensive and great method of finding and maintaining a clean water supply.  We are very excited to have him here and are thankful for all that he is doing to teach us.  For his perspective on his first week here click on this link to his blog. 

 Please continue to pray with us that God will use this effort to bless many people both physically and spiritually as Kabiye Christians can use these skills as opportunities to tell neighbors the good news of Jesus!  Pray for David, too, as he gives his time and energy over the next few months to getting this project off the ground. 

Teammates

The joys and the sorrows

The ups and the downs

The fighting to love as God would

The begging for wisdom and the other’s good instead of my own selfish gain in late night prayers

The laughter and just being together

The fulness of life

The sharpening and changing of bad attitudes

The giving of the benefit of the doubt

The trusting another with the real you… good and bad

Is it worth it to me?  After 10 years I can still say “Yes”.  These intense brother/sister relationships on the mission field are so much harder and more rewarding than I could ever have imagined they would be!  Now David and I are a part of two mission teams…the Kabiye team  here in Togo, West Africa where we are continuing to live and work for the next 2 to 3 years and the Musanze, Rwanda team with whom we will live and work in the Musanze region of Rwanda sometime in 2011.    It’s a challenge to give where we need to give on each team, but this past week the two blended together as we were all here in Kara together (with the exception of a family from Texas - the Robinsons- that plan to join the work in Rwanda before our family arrives) Our time together was fun and relaxed and a blessing.  God is so good!  The men all spent 4 days on safari in Benin and the women hung out here in Kara with the children (who were graciously taught by the Koonces and Crowsons’ teachers) The children had the time of their lives all together at school and at play.  We went to the pool, ate breakfast, ran errands, and had prayer time together.  If you don’t know the families this might all sound confusing.  Here are some photos:

  This is the Kabiye Team….. the people we live in community and work with in Kara, Togo.  The families from the bottom left clockwise to the bottom right are:  The Kennells, The Rieses, The Reeveses (us), The Millers, and the Emersons.  To make this more complicated, the Ries family is moving back to the states in May (we will miss them greatly-more on this in another post) and two other families, the Hangens and Heads, will join our team soon.  The Hangens will arrive in December and the Heads will arrive sometime next year. 

 

This is the Musanze, Rwanda team.  It is made up (so far) of 5 families.  One of the families (The Robinsons) is not pictured because they still live in Texas.  The other four families from left to right (pictured) are the Crowsons, The Reeveses (us), The Millers, and the Koonces.  You may notice that the Millers are also on the Kabiye team with us and have been our teammates for 10 years.  We’re so glad we get to continue to live our lives together with them.  The Crowsons and Koonces are what is left of the Tabligbo, Togo team (a 5 hour drive to the south of us) and have been our friends and colleagues for the last 7 1/2 years we’ve lived in Togo.  The Koonces and Crowsons are moving to Rwanda January of 2009.  We’ll be following about 2 years later when the work here in Kabiyeland has had enough continuity with our new teammates coming in for our two families (Reeves and Miller) to phase out. 

So, there’s the scoop.  Please be praying for all of our relationships to be loving and healthy and honoring.  It’s a lot of work to live near, and work with, and be family to a tight group of people with all of our human flaws.  But it is also a privilege and sweet work of the Lord that I would not trade for anything.  The work is worth it and the fruit of our labor in God’s kingdom and in our own souls is worth it.  Praise be to God who is all sufficient in our hearts even when we are so very insufficient to give glory back to Him in and of ourselves.  He is able and He will do it!

He’s Waiting…

I don’t remember ever feeling here in Togo like I did this past Thursday preparing and waiting for women to come to the ladies’ Bible study I’m beginning at our house.  I was nervous, unsure, felt very vulnerable and I wanted so badly for so many of those I had invited to come.  As I was waiting I felt God remind me of the parable of the feast where the Lord invites all of these people to attend and they make excuses and can’t come and then he tells his workers to go and find anyone who will come and there still is more room and finally he asks them to beg anyone, even in the bushes and on the highways and to compel them to come so that his table will be full. 

 I realized that the feelings I was having are just a taste of the piece of God’s heart that is so vulnerable and welcoming and nervous that those he has invited to come to him won’t show up in the end.  The thing about this that struck me so hard is that God doesn’t need our friendship or love or patronage (Acts 17:24-25)…he feels this only out of his character of immense compassion and love(1 John 4:16 and many others).  I have no motive with this Bible study except for to point the ladies who will come to Jesus so they can know true joy and life.  I don’t need their friendship or their patronage or a “jewel in my crown”.  Jesus is all I want.  And yet I love them…enough to eagerly wait for them and hope they arrive.  I know God knows everything and that He can know who will show up at His gate to approach His throne at any given moment and even at the end of time, but because we’re created in his image and because He can not help but love us because He IS love, I think He feels all of these things.  It was another moment of him whispering to me “this is how I feel” and seeing this part of His heart has simply overwhelmed me; that the God of the Universe would choose  to humble himself to have no control over who comes to Him and wait with both hurt and hope to see who will choose Him makes me love Him more than I did before. 

It occurred to me in these moments of revelation that Jesus coming to earth was such a huge deal in that He CAME and humbled himself as he did.  And yet, he could choose (and did) who he talked to and what people heard and what he would say…there’s some control in that.  But now, He waits….for thousands of years He waits to see who will not forget to come to Him in the end (of those who have heard His invitation), to see who will not end up making excuses of why they can’t be there.  I can think of this both at the end of time and even on a daily basis.   When I choose not to meet with Him or come to His throne in prayer even in a day it hurts His heart.  The hurting and vulnerable heart of God amidst his capacity for ultimate control and power and strength just blows my mind.  How can I respond in any way to Him but with love that compels me to follow Him? 

2 Corinthians 5:14  “For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died.  And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.” (NIV)

on a final note:  there were 11 ladies who showed up, many of those I had hoped would come.  We are studying the gospel of John with the purpose of answering the question, “Who is Jesus?”  Please pray for this study time as we especially concentrate on the stories of Jesus and his interaction with others.  Only one of the women who came last time could read and I’m trying to teach using oral learning techniques.  This last week all but two of the women were too embarrassed and shy to talk or give much feedback in helping re-tell the story and relate it to things in their own lives.  Please pray for a community of openness and genuine seeking after God to develop during these Thursday morning Bible studies in Kabiye-that God may be glorified and that His heart may be glad!

Prayer

I have been challenged lately as I think about prayer.  I have had seasons in my life where I have talked to God almost constantly throughout the day.  I have also had seasons where I struggle to get out any words to the Lord and still others where the last thing on my mind is praying to Him.  He’s been touching my heart lately with prayer.  I’m aware of an urging by His Spirit to devote time to just praying… more than a few minutes by myself.  I watch the discipline of my Muslim neighbors and friends  here in Togo.  And though much of their prayer is rote and repetitive, they are still praying more consistently and deliberately than I am.  I remember discovering Richard Foster’s book on prayer while we were in France in 2000 and being excited and challenged by all of the different types of prayer he had identified…exploring some of them and finding joy in God.  And last year David and I read Jim Cymbala’s testimonies of what God has done in his life and in the life of the church and church plants he has been a part of in New York…..all as a result of extreme amounts of prayer.  I remember reading about “breath prayers” from an ancient church father that helped in praying constantly and they did turn my heart towards God more fully as I practiced them (although I never got to the point of them being second nature).  And then I began reading Acts for our team study on Wednesday nights and guess what everyone was doing…. constantly praying, devoting themselves to prayer.  Then, today I read  on David Watson’s blog that the most successful church planters had this one thing in common….extreme (to me) amounts of prayer:  3 hours a day in personal prayer and 3 hours a day in prayer with their team  and a day of fasting and prayer once a week. 

 Well, my desire is kindled.  Now…. I just have to work out the logistics.  Anything that has helped any of you set aside more time for prayer?  

And, finally, the scripture that was the theme for yesterday in a book I’m reading with Hannah:  1 Thess. 5:17-18  Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

I’m listening, Lord.  Teach me to pray.

Just Look What We Had For Dinner Tonight…

This might not look too exciting to some of you, but it’s a big deal for us!!!  Our teammates Bryan and Brett just returned from Burkina Faso (the country that borders Togo to the north) with fresh strawberries and broccoli!!  This is such a big deal because neither of these things are grown in Togo.  We occasionally buy frozen strawberries and broccoli for ridiculous amounts when we are in the capital city of neighboring Ghana, but all of these strawberries and the broccoli are really treats!!  AND the Velveeta Shells n’ Cheese came in the mail as a gift from my mom.  In the Reeves house there was great rejoicing!!